


Unless You Want Some More

by CharlieBradbury



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7530541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieBradbury/pseuds/CharlieBradbury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A local bed and breakfast is being haunted, but the owner refuses to acknowledge it or let the Ghostbusters do anything about it. Holtz comes up with a great plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was all Holtz’s fault.

No really, this time it was. Patty knows how often she says that, or thinks it, or nonverbally communicates it to the others with pointed looks. This time there is no arguing it. If Holtz hadn’t done all the things she had, they wouldn’t be in this awkward predicament.

Then again, if the spirit they were after hadn’t been so damn clever, then this wouldn’t have happened either, but nevertheless, Holtzmann made it worse.

And it was a clever spirit. It didn’t just hop out and scare everyone at once. Didn’t act consistently or stay in one area of the bed and breakfast it was occupying. It would be subtle for a month or so, then randomly spike up its activity, then disappear again for a few weeks. And there was no correlation between the activity and any kind of pattern they could think of. They were at their wits’ end.

So was the building’s owner, a Japanese woman a few years older than them with a more and more disappointed look each time they show up. Finally, she tells them to leave or she’ll file a complaint with the mayor’s office. She’s never seen anything first hand so she doesn’t even believe there is anything there. They head back to headquarters, deciding to get something to eat and go over all the data one last time.

“Hey guys,” Kevin calls out to them, half an eggroll in his mouth. “Meant to tell you earlier, there’s some voicemails about some...Pac-man place?”

“Patrick’s Hall?” Abby corrects, putting down her lackluster wonton soup. “You mean the place we’ve been trying to bust for almost two months now? That place?”

“Yeah, that. Well, a bunch of people kept calling, so I just started forwarding them to voicemail,” he says blithely.

“Kevin, baby, you’re supposed to take down notes or at least hand it over to one of us so we can,” Patty sighs.

He cradles his hand to his chest. “And risk wearing out my wrists? Guys, I’ve got to do auditions for a watch advert tomorrow, I can’t take a chance like that!” He peers at his manly hands and walks back to his desk, shaking his head as if deeply insulted.

“Oh God, I wish I was the watch,” Erin mutters. Everyone turns to stare at her. “What? I didn’t-”

“Yes you did,” Abby says. “That’s sad Erin.”

She just nods and goes to check the answering machine. “Yeah, it was. Sorry you had to hear that. I’m going to go check the uh, yeah.” They all settle back in, going over their data and machines and whatever history they can find about this place. “Guys!” Erin shouts, rushing back to the room. “We need to get in there. Someone was nearly killed by some porcelain dolls. The owner still doesn’t believe any of it, says the guests busted the dolls and lied about it.”

“We need to stay overnight, or even for a few days,” Abby says, but shakes her head. “But Ms. Miyamoto isn’t going to let us back in unless she thinks something needs to happen.”

“Why is she fighting us so hard?” Patty wonders. “You’d think she want that ghost gone, it’s gonna cost her some business sooner or later.”

“Or gain her some,” Holtz adds, flipping up her welding mask. “You know how many ghost chasers there are out there that’d love to stay somewhere that we’re trying to bust.” She looks closely at the weld she just made on her shotgun prototype, sniffs it, then makes a face. “Weirdos.”

“Yeah, weirdos,” Patty agrees, watching her teammate sniff the thing again. “That ghost always disappears when we show up. Not even anything on the cotton candy maker.”

Abby holds the reader up. “PKE sensor, come on Patty.”

She just shrugs with a little smile. “I know, I just like naming stuff.”

“Hey, wait, hold the phone!” Holtz says, handing Patty the pipe as she stalks by.

“This ain’t a phone.” Patty puts the thing down, grateful it wasn’t still hot.

“Clever girl,” Holtz says, grabbing up a rag. “I think I can get us in. We could pretend to be weirdos!” She drapes it over her welding mask, holds her hands out in a ‘ta-da!’ gesture.

“I’m not sure you could pull it off, Holtzy,” Patty says incredulously.

“I mean, yeah, it’ll be hard,” Holtzmann nods, taking the rag and mask off. “But, hear me out! We put on some disguises, throw the equipment in suitcases, and spend a few nights there until the thing shows up!”

“That might actually work,” Abby says, standing and shaking her pointer finger excitedly. “Erin and I have talked with her mostly, she’s barely looked at you or Patty. And you could let Erin and I in at night to help you poke around. Ooh! It’d be an undercover mission!”

“But, guys,” Erin starts, having to be the downer. “Two women? Checking into a B&B together? Who’s going to believe that?” And again, everyone stares at her in pitying disbelief. It takes her a long moment, but then she gasps and whispers, “Lesbians!”

“Yes, Erin, good job, you remember we exist,” Holtz says, sauntering back to her table. She digs around for a moment, then comes back to where Patty’s sitting. “Patricia Angelface Tolan,” she says formerly.

“That’s not even close to my middle name,” Patty deadpans.

The blond holds up a bit of copper wire, artfully coiled into a ring. “Will you be my pretend fiance so we can save some dumpy B&B for an ungrateful woman?”

“Am I getting overtime for this?” Patty turns to ask Abby.

“Of course, the mayor will have to cover it.” Abby turns to Erin, wiping at her eyes. “God, I always cry at proposals. I hope she says yes,” she sniffles.

“Well alright then.” Patty accepts the ring, and the others cheer and clap their hands. Kevin even cheers from his desk, completely clueless to anything other than people are making noise.

“You’ve just made me the happiest weirdo on the planet,” Holtz says, leaning in for a kiss.

Patty stops her with a palm over her lips. “Oh c’mon, I don’t kiss on the first date.” Holtz licks her hand sloppily and Patty pulls back with a shout of disgust. “What is wrong with you?! You can’t do that!”

She just grins, wiping some drool from the side of her mouth. “Just did.”


	2. Lube and Protein Bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patty and Holtzmann arrive on the scene. Holtz should be an actress, she's such a convincing weirdo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST. The amount of love I'm getting, I'm so thrilled. I came out of the movie plotting this damn thing, I'm so glad you guys like it. I have no clue where it's going, there's barely any planning, so hang on to your butts here we go.

“Can we have the room with the possessed dolls?” Holtz asks, bouncing on her toes.

Patty laughs nervously, putting her arm around her ‘fiance.’ “Jillian, sweetheart, that was just some weirdo on the internet. This place doesn’t have possessed dolls.”

Ms. Miyamoto looks at them from behind the front desk, wearing the same bland customer-service smile she had the moment they walked in, loaded down with luggage. “Ahah, I see you’ve read that review.” Her laugh is fake and her voice is tight. “I assure you, there is no such thing at Patrick’s Hall.”

“Really?” Holtz insists, leaning into Patty’s embrace. “I love ghosts and stuff! It’s so scary!” She looks up at Patty with a salacious grin. “You’d protect me from any scary ghosts, right snookums?”

Patty is torn between shoving the ridiculous woman from her and pulling her closer. Holtz’s terrible dialogue paired with the convincing lust there on her face is confusing the hell out of her. “Of course, sugarplum,” she manages. “I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.”

They both jump a bit at a loud slam. The nearly forgotten owner watching their charade had closed the heavy sign-in book. Hard. “There. Are. No. Ghosts,” she grits out between clenched teeth, her smile more of a grimace now. Her jaw twitches and she seems to remember herself. “That guest actually complained about the dolls in that room before agreeing to stay there. I believe, forgive me, that he and his wife drank a bit too much and stumbled into them.” Her smile relaxes even more. “That room is being cleaned now, so it is unavailable. There is a room across the hall from it, if you’d like. It has a lovely miniature chandelier...” She continues talking, fully immersed in her speech as she leads them up the stairs. An elderly man dressed in pressed slacks and a white button up with a little bow tie comes out from a door under the staircase and tries to lift one of Holtz’s suitcases. She yanks it away from him, clutching it to her body.

“Uh. Sorry. This has our vibrators in it.” Patty slaps a hand over her mouth. Good God. “Uh, that one too. And that one.” She drags them away from the poor guy, who just looks bemused. The guy reaches for the last one, the smallest, with the question clear on his face. “That one’s fine. That’s just lube. And protein bars.” She turns and shoots a wink over her shoulder to her teammate. Patty, despite her humiliation, manages a smile before taking one of the bags from Holtzmann.

“Way to keep our things safe, babe.”

“Oh I’m all about safety,” Holtz says, dragging the other two up the stairs behind Patty and Ms. Miyamoto, humming the Safety Dance to herself. She leans close and stage-whispers, “Patty, we’re doing so good! They totally think we’re weirdos!”

“Keep quiet. You’re the only weirdo here,” Patty murmurs out of the side of her mouth. She couldn’t believe she thought this would work. Holtz can’t keep her mouth shut long enough for her disguise to have any affect. And it’s a great disguise, if Patty says so herself. The combat boots and overalls are gone, replaced by a flowery sundress that swirled around Holtz’s calves and showed off her toned arms and shoulders and some pink tennis shoes. She even let Patty straighten her hair and do some make-up. She expected the twitchy engineer to refuse, or to bounce right off the table, but she’d sat perfectly still, letting Patty do some basic contouring and shading.

“Hey Patty, how’d you get so good at make-up and stuff?” Holtz asked while waiting for the eyeliner to dry with her eyes closed.

“How’d you get so good at making stuff that only blows up when you want it to?” Patty returned.

Holtz smiled. “Practice, practice, practice!” she chanted softly.

Nodding, Patty said, “Same for me. I went to cosmetology school, got the job with the MTA to pay for it. But I never could find anything to do with that license so I just stuck with what was paying the bills. Okay, you can open ‘em.”

Holtz opened her eyes as wide as she could, looking a bit owlish. “Why do people put this stuff on every friggin’ day?”

“Some people use it to hide what they don’t want the world to see. Look up,” Patty instructed, tapping Holtz’s chin. “Me? I like to use it to show off what I like best about myself. I love my high cheekbones, so I use a little bronzer to make them stand out more. I like my eyes so I use the right color eye shadow to make them pop out even more.” She brushed a little blush on Holtz’s cheeks, bringing that youthful joy she usually has shining out.

“I like your lips,” Holtz said, her gaze intent on the aforementioned lips.

“They’re nice, right? Just like my Aunt’s.” Patty didn’t let herself even begin to think that was intentionally flirty.

Holtz tipped her head back down, smiling strangely. “Yeah. I bet-”

“Okay, are you guys-oh my God, Holtzmann!” Erin walked into the lab, cradling a few pamphlets to her chest. “You look like...wow. Not Holtzmann.” Erin looked to Patty, and nodded appreciatively. “Wow, you too Patty!”

Patty tugged at her striped button down and dressy vest. “I figure I can butch it up a little bit, y’know. Mix it up.” She’d untwisted her braids from their bun, letting them hang down to her shoulders. “Hope my hair’s okay, didn’t have time to get an appointment and get something new.”

“Well I think it works! You guys look so different!”

Holtz hopped down from the table, barefoot and that made Patty a little nervous. Who knew what was on this floor. “I can’t wait to get in there, I have a new compact proton gun I wanted to test.” She rubbed her hands together excitedly, then flipped her hair out of her face. “Ugh. This stuff’s throwing me off-balance.

Which is the excuse she uses when she nearly wobbles back down the staircase. Patty has to grab her arm to keep her upright. “Give me that,” Patty orders, taking another suitcase. They manage to make their way up to the next floor, and Patty tries to not look winded carrying their luggage. The owner smiles blandly at her, waving them into a room. “Here we are. How do you like it?” The room is larger than Patty’s room back at the firehouse, with huge bay windows letting in the morning light. There are antique dressers and tables with dark finished wood and polished brass handles. The bed is huge, piled high with fluffed pillows and a soft looking quilt. And that’s when it hits Patty.

There is only one bed. She’s going to have to share a bed with Holtzmann. Until they can figure out what’s up with this ghost. Dear lord, what was she thinking? “It’s perfect,” she says, trying not to sound dismayed.

She drops the suitcases onto the floral carpet, slipping and letting them thump down. The owner raises one perfectly plucked eyebrow at the sound, and Patty smiles genially. “Books. I like to read.”

“Oh, don’t be modest, cupcake!” Holtz says, placing her bag gingerly next to the bed. “Those are our-”

“Thank you so much for letting us make this reservation so last minute,” Patty interrupts loudly. She offers her hand to the owner, who takes it and gives her a firm shake.

“Lunch will be served in the dining room shortly. There will be a tour after that, and some card games in the afternoon. Feel free to get...” Holtz flops on the bed, bouncing up and down. “Settled.”

She looks up, grinning that wolfish grin, and says, “Testing the springs. What's the soundproofing like in the walls?”

“Ignore her, she has low blood sugar,” Patty says, staring at her teammate.

“Of course. Enjoy.” The owner leaves, followed by the elderly man, who cracks a smile and gives them two thumbs up before shutting the door.

“Will you stop it!” Patty hisses as soon as they’re alone. Holtz stills, residual bounces petering out. “You don’t have to shove it in their faces. They get it, we’re gonna blare some Marvin Gaye and get it on!”

Holtzmann furrows her brow in confusion. “We are?”

Patty sighs. The engineer wasn’t exactly skilled at communication, relying mostly on esoteric references and pop culture quotes to get her point across. Hell, this might be how she acts when she is in a relationship. “Lay off the vibrator stuff, okay? That old man looked like he’s gonna come back and try to peek through the keyhole or something.”

“Kinky. You like an audience?” Holtz waggles her eyebrows, and Patty decides to ignore her.

“The owner got weird earlier, with all the ghost talk. And her hands were freezing.” She unzips one of the bags, taking out the PKE sensor. Turning it on, she points it in the direction Ms. Miyamoto had gone. But, like before, nothing happens. “Could she be possessed?”

“If she was, the cotton candy maker would tell us. Possessions emit a lot of energy, there’s no way to hide that even if the spirit can fake being human well enough to fool the human eye. And she’s never set it off when we were here before.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Patty says, putting the sensor down. “It was just an idea.”


	3. Porkchops and Burnt Rolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yep. Keeping up the charade, we meet the other couples here for the weekend, and Holtz learns to channel her inner Julia Roberts.

Erin jumps as her phone vibrates in her pocket. It’s a text from Patty. “Abby, have you heard from Patty and Holtzmann?”

Abby looks up from the laptop she’s been pecking at for the past hour. “My phone’s still in the container of desiccant, remember?” She hooks a thumb at the tub of rice on top of the fridge. “Still not sure if that works on ecto-plasm but we’ll see.”

“Here, I’m not sure I uh. Can say this. Out loud.”

“Lemme see this, what’ve we got?” Abby reads the text, and makes a thoughtful noise. “I mean, the vibrator thing was a good cover-up, but I can see why Patty’s a little exasperated.”

“She’s threatening to lock Holtzman in the doll room. With some old...pervert?” Erin says, eyes squinting in confusion.

The phone buzzes again, and Abby’s mouth drops open in horror. “Ah God. There’s going to be a sit-down lunch.”

“Should we do something?”

“We can’t, we’ll blow their cover. Who knows how long it’ll take them to even see anything.” She taps a few times, and sends a message. “They’ll just have to get through it, somehow.”

“Patty needs a vacation after this.”

“And a bonus,” Abby adds, already planning how to explain that cost to the mayor’s assistant.  
\----  
Holtz’s phone goes off in her purse as she walks down the stairs, the theme from Psycho making everyone nearby side-eye her. The purse is huge and sewn together with various scraps of tie-dye fabric. She was touched when Patty had presented it to her, in lieu of her usual coat or overalls of many pockets. She digs around in the bottom of the purse, distracted enough to list off to the side, and almost lose her footing. Patty’s right there, grabbing her arm and steadying her.

“It’s this hair, I swear,” Holtz mumbles, checking her text.

Patty huffs. “Yeah, it’s got nothing to do with you checking your phone.”

“Nope,” Holtz says, popping the ‘p.’ “Hm. Got it.”

“Is that from the others?” Patty asks lowly, smiling in greeting as they walk into the huge dining room.

“Yeah. Nothing life threatening.” Holtz pops up on tiptoes, presses a kiss to Patty cheek, and flounces away. Patty follows her, trying not to look flustered. There’s two other couples that followed them down the stairs. The guy and girl are obviously infatuated with both each other and the decor, snapping pics of everything around them and taking smoochy selfies. The two guys there are older, staring at everything except each other. Trying to rekindle romance that burned out a while ago, or just fed up with each other? Either way, all of them were in potential danger. Patty resolves to buddy up with the owner, see if she could get any more information about the place out of her.

It was like Holtz reads her mind, and sits beside the owner. The only other seat’s next to Holtz. She smiles sweetly at Patty as she sits down, reaching for the water glass and fervently hoping it’s vodka. Nope, just water. Everyone settles and the old man comes out from the other door, pushing a cart with a few platters. As he portions out some fresh salad onto everyone’s plate, the owner stands and smiles benignly at everyone. “Welcome to Patrick’s Hall. We’re thrilled to have you all here this weekend. My name is Hikari Miyamoto. I’ve run several hotels in my life, but this place,” she takes a moment to look around her fondly, “this place has brought me the most joy. In hotels, you’re surrounded by people, hundreds of them, everyday. But they all remain strangers, just nodding at each other in the hallways or making small talk. I prefer this, a handful of people who form friendships and get to know one another. So, let’s begin with introductions.” She sits down and nods to Holtz.

“Hi, everyone,” Holtz says, standing and smiling. Does she have a bit of a southern accent? “I’m Jillian, and this is Patty. We’ve been together five years, and we just got engaged.” The younger couple congratulate them and clap. “Thank you!” She sits, smiling brightly and takes Patty’s hand. It was almost completely normal. Patty is so confused. Holtz nudges her phone towards Patty, and swipes until she sees a text from Abby via Erin’s phone.

_Less Pretty Woman, more Steel Magnolias._

Patty frowns. Really? That’s what got her to stop acting like a crazy person? “Uh, yeah, I’m Patty. I’m glad to be here, enjoying a weekend of rest and relaxation with my Hol-honey. Yeah.” She nearly slips up and calls Jillian what she always does. Patty’s never been engaged, but she’s pretty sure fiances don’t address each other by their last names.

The two young people are Greg and Rose and they are indeed obnoxiously in love with each other and absolutely enamored with the bed and breakfast. They’re getting married next month, and cannot keep their hands to themselves. Patty can’t help the smile she has, watching them be so enthusiastic about each other and their future. The other two are less enthusiastic. Kevin and Raymond have been together for so long neither of them seem to remember exactly what he’s pissed at the other for, but boy are they pissed.

Patty chats with Rose, who is the most friendly person she’s ever met, and keeps half her attention on Holtz. Who’s talking to the owner between huge bites of her salad. But she’s just prattling away about how beautiful the place is and how much she’s looking forward to the yoga class the next morning. Patty’s laughing at a story about Greg and a seagull when there’s a loud coughing noise from across the table. Patty tenses up, convinced that something dangerous is happening. But Kevin is just glaring at his husband. “Could you abstain from being so rude?”

“I’m sorry, I tried to keep my silence. I really did, but this-this bread,” he prattles. “Ma’am, you need a new cook. It’s completely black on the bottom, look!” He tosses his roll onto the tabletop, and it makes a thumping noise as the hard crusted underside hits the antique wood.

“Raymond! Ma’am, I am so sorry-”

“You got one burnt roll so you’re throwing a tantrum like a brat?” Patty says, unable to stop herself. She’d had her share of shitty customers during her time at the subway booth, and this man is making her think of all the assholes who would demand to speak to her supervisor when she wouldn’t give them what they wanted. 

Raymond squints at her. “Excuse me?” he says, but Kevin gets up and throws his napkin on his plate. “Where are you going?”

“To our room, and packing my stuff. This isn’t going to help. This isn’t working.” He grips the back of his chair and manages an apologetic smile for the owner. “I’m so sorry for his behavior. Please don’t worry about refunding us for the weekend, keep the deposit.” Silence falls over the room as he walks out, his husband staring after him.

After a moment he scrabbles out of his chair, calling, “Kevin, do not walk away from me.” It’s quiet again, the five near strangers avoiding each others’ eyes.

Until Holtz says, “That’s too bad. I bet the couple’s yoga session would have worked out their kinks.”

Greg’s the first to laugh, but soon the others join in. Even the stoic Ms. Miyamoto cracks a real smile. “I do apologize, I hate for awkwardness to ruin what is supposed to be a relaxing weekend.”

Rose shakes her head. “It was like a soap opera.”

“Seeing a grown man act like a child is always entertaining,” Patty agrees. “So what if his roll was a little burnt? Shit happens, pardon my French,” she quickly amends.

“It shouldn’t have been burnt in the first place,” Ms. Miyamoto says quietly. “The cook we used to have was amazing, but she passed away this spring. Finding someone with her attention to detail and dedication has been difficult.” After a pause and a glance at the closed door, she adds, “But I’d be lying to say I wasn’t a little agitated with his behavior.”

“That was just plain rude. No one gets to treat someone else like crap for something that wasn’t their fault,” Greg says before biting into his roll. “Mistakes happen. But y’know what? If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs.”

Holtz leans forward, staring at the man. “You are a wise soul, Mr. Greg.”

“Nah, I’m just a regular old Greg,” he says with a modest shrug. “Say, what’s for dessert?”

They spend another half an hour around the table, talking and laughing and Patty catches herself actually having a good time. And well, if Holtz is leaning into her arm, that’s great. If she’s slipping her fingers around Patty’s, that’s cool. All to keep their cover, it works. It’s cool.

If Patty’s heart gives out from how hard it’s thumping, that probably wouldn’t be cool. But some dumb part of her thinks it’d be worth it, just to be this close to Holtzmann for an evening. Close enough to notice she doesn’t smell like ozone and engine oil for once. And to kind of miss that metallicy scent that makes her think of her teammate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of making OCs for the other couples then I decided to just insert a couple of my other fave couples. Also GODDAMN IM STILL GETTING SO MANY COMMENTS AND SHIT THANKS GUYS. I'm going to update probably once a week until I've got it finished, to make sure I'm keeping the plot and stuff where I want it to go. THANKS AGAIN YOU GUYS. <3


	4. Fire and Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gosh guys I think there's a g-g-ghoooooooost!

Patty almost cries when her phone goes off. Holtzmann had slipped into flannel pajama pants and a tank top when everyone had separated off to go to bed, saying she was going to work on her pistols until Abbey and Erin got into position. Patty, being exhausted from all the subterfuge and creative lying, had changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed. For an hour. She knew that late nights were necessary being a Ghostbuster. But after all she’d been through that day, she hoped she could catch at least a few hours sleep before beginning a round of sneaking through this tiny bed and breakfast.

And the bed is perfect. Just enough support, the blankets are heavy without being suffocating, and they smell of jasmine and lavender. It’s not fair. Plain and simple.

But Patty is a dedicated eradicator of spirits, so she turns the covers back and snatches her cell phone from the bedside table. “You guys here yet?” she asks. Static answers her. She swipes a few times, starting the voice recorder app. “Hello?” she tries. Holtzmann looks up from the pile of wires and lenses around her, concerned. What sounds like wind starts blowing into the speaker, and gets louder and louder until it sounds like a rushing waterfall next to Patty’s head. She has to jerk the phone away from her ear as it gets painfully loud. Then, the call drops and the silence is almost suffocating in contrast.

“You okay?” Holtz is right there, fingers fidgeting at her sides and her eyes darting between Patty and her phone.

“Yeah. I don’t know who that was, but I don’t think they were alive.” She stops the recording, saves it, and plays it. For the first thirty seconds it’s just Patty’s voice, then a murmur starts up, barely audible. Patty increases the volume, and it sounds like someone muttering about fire or burning. Then, it becomes a chant of “Burn them all, burn them all, burn him to a crisp!” louder and louder until it cuts out. “Burn him?” Patty repeats, trying to tamp down her excitement at the EVP she’d captured and focus on figuring it out.

“To a crisp, apparently,” Holtzmann says, brow furrowed in concern. She drops her voice and says ominously, “The call is coming from inside the house! It sounded angry.” 

“Really angry. And...wait, you smell that?” They both look towards the door, alarm sending adrenaline through their bodies as they recognize the scent of smoke. Patty grabs her ghost chipper, and Holtz grabs her new compact containment unit. “Wait!” Snagging a bathrobe, Patty hides the chipper in the sleeve, and grabs the thermos from Holtz concealing it in the fluffy folds.

“In case it’s just a fire and not a ghosty fire?” Holtz asks as she yanks the door open.

“Yeah, don’t wanna blow our cover unless we have to,” Patty says, following Holtz into the hallway. Smoke is rolling from under the door to Kevin and Raymond’s room, orange light dancing on the floor. Holtz pounds on the door, but no one answers. When everyone had gone to bed, there were quiet voices coming from their room, so they must have decided to stay.

Greg and Rose peek out from their room. “What’s going on?”

“Fire! Get outside, go!” Patty shouts, turning to try the handle. She shouts again, this time in pain. The metal handle of the door sears the flesh of her palm, and Patty stumbles back against the other wall. Holtz tries to keep her upright, grabbing her around her shoulders.

“Patty, shit, your hand!” Patty straightens, dizzy from the pain. She grits her teeth, steps forward, and kicks the door with all her might. The wood cracks loudly, the handle pops free of the jamb. The door swings inward, and a wave of smoke fills the hallway. Coughing, two shapes materialize in the red burning light in the room, one dragging the other. Rose rushes forward, helping pull the person out.

As soon as they cross the doorway, the smoke sucks back into the room with a rushing noise, and the door slams shut behind them. Kevin and Rose collapse on the floor, next to the prone form of Raymond. Everyone gasps and pants, staring at the shut door. Patty leans back against the wall, opening her hand to find it free of marks. It doesn’t hurt anymore either, it’s like she never burnt it. Holtz sees her unharmed hand and quirks her eyebrows up in confusion, but sighs in relief.

“Phew!” Greg says loudly, making everyone flinch in surprise. “Ah man, sorry guys. I just. What the heck was that?!”

“It was-something. Something-I don’t know,” Kevin says quietly. No one speaks for a moment, sitting or standing in complete disbelief. The door creaks open just a crack and everyone scrambles backwards, trying to get away from it. They all wait for a while, but nothing else happens. Raymond clambers to his feet, tugging his silk pajama top straight. “Raymond, don’t!” Kevin says, reaching for him as Raymond marches straight for the door and shoves it open. It slams back against the chair behind it and swings forward again. The light from the bedside table reveals a normal bedroom, no hellfire or smoke or anything out of the ordinary.

“What in the hell,” Raymond whispers. He turns back to the others. “I was not hallucinating.”

“No, we all saw that. Whatever that was,” Rose assures him.

“Felt it too,” Patty says, flexing her hand.

Raymond looks at each of them in turn, searching. Then he clenches his jaw, and turns to offer his husband his hand. He does the same for Rose, not swaying as he helps the large woman to her feet. “Thank you, for your bravery. It should not have been necessary, but I am grateful.”

She smiles happily, waving her hands carelessly. “Hey, I want to help anyone who needs it. And you needed it.”

“Mm. Kevin, we were right to stay, but I think you should leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere without you. Not until we figure this out,” Kevin says, crossing his arms.

“Figure what out?” Greg asks, subtly checking his fiance for any damage.

“What is going on?” calls a voice from the stairwell. It’s the old man. Patty really wishes someone had introduced him, it was odd to think of him as ‘the old pervert/valet.’ “It’s ten o’clock, you should all be in bed.”

“Ah, yes, our apologies.” Raymond flashes the guy a friendly smile, and puts an arm around his husband’s shoulders. “We’ll disperse now. Thank you.” Raymond leans towards the others. “Go back to your rooms, I’ll explain everything in the morning.”

Patty and Holtz manage to act just as mystified and confused as the other couple as they return to their rooms. But as soon as the door closes behind them, she huffs. “’Explain everything in the morning,’ huh? Who’s this guy think he is?”

“Looks familiar, but I can’t put my finger in it,” Holtz says, checking on the PKE meter.

“On it,” Patty corrects.

“Yeah, that either,” Holtz says tersely. She jabs at buttons on the sensor, then slams it back on the nightstand. “Didn’t catch anything. Piece of useless-” She kicks at some pliers, sending them crashing into one of her pistols.

“Holtz, what’s going on?” Patty asks. “You screamed at Abby when she smashed your babies, why do you get to beat on them?!”

“Because I’m not angry I’m just disappointed!” Holtz stops assaulting the equipment, standing with arms akimbo and chest heaving. Before Patty can say anything, Holtz’s voice comes out small and scared. “You got hurt.”

“Oh, baby,” Patty sighs. “I’m fine now. And it was my dumb ass that grabbed a door handle when there was a fire behind it. I mean, fifth graders know better than to do that.” She steps carefully behind Holtz. “That wasn’t your fault, or the cotton candy maker’s. So stop beating yourself and your stuff up.”

She reaches out and gently squeezes Holtz’s shoulder. Holtzmann freezes completely at first, but slowly relaxes into her touch. “Okay,” she says quietly. She whips around and is hugging Patty before she can react. It’s a fierce, tight embrace and just as Patty’s about to hug her back, Holtz slips away and strides over to where the pliers and pistol landed. “You should get some sleep. If the others call I’ll tell them the show’s over for the night. The ghost never shows up twice in a night.”

Patty clears her throat, balling her hands up in fists. “Okay. Where are you going to sleep?”

“Oh, I caught a few hours before we got here. I’ll nap under a table or something.”

“That’s dumb, just crawl in bed with me when you’re tired.” Patty turns and takes off the loaded bathrobe, placing it carefully on the floor.

“I’m warning you though,” Holtz looks up from her pistol, mischief in her eyes. “I’m a cuddler. Hope you like being the little spoon.”

Patty chuckles, a little helplessly. “Works for me. Goodnight, Jillian.”

“G’night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys, shit got real for me over the weekend. Here you go, action! Ghosts! Mystery and intrigue!


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning Patty wakes up gradually. She feels warm and safe, and hugs the blankets tighter around herself. She remembers that she’s technically on the clock and needs to get up and do some readings, but the comfort surrounding every inch of her body is difficult to pull away from. But then something shifts against her stomach and panic makes her fling the blanket up and away.

A slender arm is resting on her side, fingers curled into a loose fist against her belly. Patty recalls what Jillian said the night before, realizing her teammate had been serious about the cuddling. Patty rotates in Jillian’s sleepy embrace, turning to her back to look at the other woman. Drool is slipping from her slack mouth, and her face is puffy and red from being pressed into the pillow. And Patty can’t help the swooping sensation in her gut. God, she’s got it back for this crazy woman, doesn’t she? The poof of blond hair is fighting against the straightening, already curling back into its natural state. Patty reaches over and pulls a few strands of hair out of Holtz’s face. 

Holtz twitches, scrunching up her face at the movement. “Mmm, not gonna,” she mumbles.

“Not gonna what?”

“The fish. Can’t handle that level of sound. Not enough bass. Or bass.” Of course she talks in her sleep. “Besides, Patty doesn’t like tuna.”

“She doesn’t?” Patty doesn’t remember ever voicing a dislike of any fish.

“Nah, she’s straight,” Holtz snuffles into the pillow and falls silent. Patty stares at her, brow furrowed in confusion. When had she ever said she was straight? She was bisexual, Goddamn it. And not even mostly attracted to dudes. Where had that misconception come from?

Patty doesn’t have time to contemplate that, because a knock at the door sends Holtzmann flying up and flailing blindly. “It’s eight o’clock ladies. Breakfast will be served shortly.”

“Buzz off, George Takei!” Holtz mutters, scrubbing at her eyes. “Ugh, man, I was just getting into a good REM cycle. Blugh.”

Patty rolls over, planting her feet on the floor. She stretches her back, groaning. “How many hours did you get?”

Holtz slides her hands down her face, trying to think. “Maybe…two? Three? I’ll be okay once I get some food in me.”

“I don’t see how you can function-” There’s another knock on the door.

“Ladies? May I come in?” It sounds like Raymond.

Patty shares a confused look with Jillian, who then tumbles out of bed. Patty sees her scooping up the equipment, shoving it in suitcases and under the bed. “Just a second,” Holtz calls out. “We’re-”

“Not decent!” Patty shouts over whatever awful vibrator lie she was about to tell. She helps Holtz hide their stuff, then finds her robe. She throws it at Holtz, who’s wearing a pair of boxer shorts with pink flowers on them and a ratty tank top with old grease stains. At least Patty’s wearing her silk pajamas. She looks over the room one more time before opening the door. Kevin’s there too, along with Greg and Rose.

“I owe all of you an explanation. May we come in?” Patty nods them in, looking down the hall to make sure no one’s watching. Once everyone’s inside, standing a little crowded in the bedroom, Raymond begins. “My name is Raymond Holt, and I the captain of a police department in Brooklyn. My husband and I had been experiencing some…difficulties with our marriage.”

“If by difficulties you mean your staunch refusal to delegate more of your work so you could be home before midnight every day…” Kevin says lowly from where he’s perched on an arm chair, arms crossed.

“Yes, that,” Raymond agrees, his voice not changing in tone. “One of my team suggested we go away for a weekend, and even left our cellular phones at home so I would be entirely unreachable. I chose this bed and breakfast solely for it’s distance from my headquarters. But after reading the reviews at www.google.com/search?q=patricks-hall,” he enunciates every single number and punctuation mark in the web address. Patty looks at him a little strange, but Holtz just nods along. “I now believe I inadvertently booked us a stay at a haunted bed and breakfast.”

“Ray, please stop lying. Am I supposed to believe you didn’t know about all this-”

“Kevin, I swear to you I did not have any idea that this was going to happen.”

“Okay, so you’re a police captain,” Patty interrupts. “Why is it so important that we know that?”

Captain Holt’s lips perk up minutely. “Because, I am not the only one who should be revealing something here, Ms. Tolan.” He looks pointedly between Patty and Holtz.

“All right, fine,” Holtz says, looking down at her lap. “I’m not an interior designer. The truth is, I’m Iron Man.”

“No you are not,” Raymond says. “Iron Man is a fictional character. You two are part of the Conductors of the Metaphysical Examination."

“Oh my God, Erin needs to hear you say that,” Patty can’t help but say.

"Conductors of the who now?” Greg says, scratching his head.

“The media refers to them as, what was that ridiculous name?” Raymond turns to his husband.

“Ghostbusters,” Kevin provides, not looking at Captain Holt.

Rose gasps, and so does Holtz. She stares at Patty in wonder. “You’re a Ghostbuster and you never told me? We’re engaged!” The slight Southern twang is back in her voice.

“Ms. Holtzmann, please, you’re a terrible liar.” Raymond points at them. “I recognized you from the news reports. Although I was very reluctant to believe in these sorts of supernatural happenings, the opening of the portal last summer was undeniably real. No matter what the mayor of our great city claims.” He gives her a nod. “You and your colleagues saved the city and everyone in it, including myself and my husband. You have my gratitude.”

Patty’s flattered, but she can tell he’s just saying that so she’ll admit it. But hell, any one of them can google pictures of the two of them. Her makeovers were not the most complete disguises. “Fine. You figured it out. Yeah, we’re Ghostbusters.”

“Does this mean I can stop acting like a weirdo?” Holtz asks.

Patty ignores her. “This place is definitely haunted. But we can never catch the ghost in the act, so Miyamoto doesn’t believe it. She made a big deal about us never coming back. But she never really spoke to Holtzmann or me, so we decided we might have a better chance of busting this spirit if we just booked a room and stayed overnight.”

“Ah. That is a good plan,” Raymond says, nodding. “Except you didn’t seem to be able to do much busting last night.”

“Firstly,” Holtz says with an index finger in the air. “It was my plan. I want credit for that. Secondly! This ghost is very intelligent. It seems to even be able to fool some of our detecting equipment.”

“But if we can just get in the same room as it, we can bust this thing,” Patty says, not wanting to incite any panic or fear in the other people in the room.

“Can we help?” Greg asks. “I mean, we’re just a couple of regular old people from little old Beach City, but we still want to be y’know, any help we can be.”

“Yeah, this is so exciting!” Rose says with a giddy smile.

Raymond shakes his head. “I don’t feel comfortable allowing that. You two are civilians, this could pose unknown dangers.”

Rose’s smile grows sharp. “I can handle myself, don’t you worry about me.” Greg slips his arm around her back, silently trying to support her.

“I mean, there is one thing,” Kevin says. “I think-” A rapping sound on the door interrupts him. Ray automatically moves to the door, pressing flat against the wall next to it. He nods to Patty, and she walks over to open it just enough to see out.

“Uh, ma’am, are the other guests here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, my brain was decidedly unhelpful for the past couple of weeks. This story will be finished.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Couples' yoga! Intrique! Texting!

It’s the butler/handyman/bellboy. Patty slaps a smile on her face and tries to look like nothing strange is going on. “The other guests? Why would you think they’re in here?”

He raises his eyebrows and says, “Well, partly because I can hear you all from the hallway.”

Ray steps out from behind the door, tugging his polo a little straighter. “Ah. Yes, we were…discussing how excited we all are for couples' yoga.”

“Oh yeah, I can’t wait to yo that gah!” Greg offers with fist pump. Patty bites her lip, wondering how in the hell she was lucky enough to be stuck at this haunted B&B with these people.

“Yes, well, breakfast is ready, if you’d all like to follow me.”

“Absolutely, I’m starving,” Holtz says, walking up behind Patty and giving her a gentle nudge. Patty glares back at her but still moves out from the doorway. Holtz comes up to her side as they walk down the hall, and makes a grabby motion with her hand. Patty frowns down at the motion before looking up to Holtz questioningly.

Holtz smiles brightly at her and makes the motion again. It dawns on Patty that Holtzmann wants to hold her hand. She wills herself to ignore that swooping giddy feeling in her gut and slips her fingers through Jillian’s. Sure the other guests knew they weren’t a couple, but the staff still needed to be fooled. Holtz was just being practical.

But the way she bites her lip and swings their hands gently back and forth seems less professional and more genuine. Patty’s almost relieved when they reach the stairwell and have to let go so they can both grab the handrails. She’s reading way too much into every move Jillian’s making. If she felt anything other than team spirit for Patty, surely she would have made a move this morning when they literally woke up in each others’ arms, right?

But Jillian grabs for her hand again as they walk into the dining room. And she smiles brightly all the way through breakfast.  
\----  
“Ms. Tolan,” Raymond says. Holtz passes them both, heading for the room to get dressed for yoga. “May I borrow your cell phone? I need to call my squad.”

“This isn’t a matter for the police,” Patty says, confused. “This is a ghost thing, kind of our jurisdiction.”

“It is, undeniably so. But, it may aid us to know all there is to know about this location. Ghosts are usually created by violent or emotionally charged deaths, correct?”

“Or just straight up sociopaths, but yeah murders create a lot of ghosts.”

“Well, it just so happens that murder is under my jurisdiction.” He almost grins there, proud of the way he flipped the conversation. “I can ask my detectives to look into any unusual deaths or accidents that may have happened here. But only if I can call them without arousing the suspicions of our hosts.”

“You think the owner’s got something to do with this?” she asks, remembering her strange behavior and icy hands.

“No, but it pays to be prudent. May I?” He holds out his hand and Patty begrudgingly hands him her phone. “Here, I’ll just text my assistant.” He pulls out reading glasses and types for a moment. He hands the phone back and it buzzes.

“She texted back that quickly?” Patty frowns at her phone.

“I expected as much from Gina. She’s a unique person but she’s reliable and very capable. Also, I believe her hand has fused into her cell phone by this point.”

“She said, ‘new phone who dis.’”

“I stated that it was me in the first sentence-” The phone buzzes again. “‘J. K. I’m not doing that we were all ordered by you not to contact you this weekend so as your loyal, wonderful, intelligent, breath-takingly beautiful assistant I’ll follow your order to the letter per us.’ Us?”

“Per usual, I think,” Patty offers.

“Per usual? She once laughed at me when I asked her to pick up the phone.”

“We’ve got the same kind of problem at headquarters.” She shakes her head. “Good help is so hard to find.”

“Indeed. Well, I’ll call Sergeant Jeffords. He’ll overlook my previous orders for an emergency.” He takes the phone back, taps a few times, and puts the phone up to his ear. After a moment his ever-present stoic expression falls deeper into a frown. He looks down at the phone again. “It said the number I was calling was disconnected. But that’s impossible. That is definitely his number.” The phone buzzes again. His voice drops lower as he reads, “And just to prove how good I am at following orders, I told the squad to block this number so you can enjoy your peaceful vacay without temptation. Linetti 1, Workaholic Holt 0.’”

“Okay, I take it back. Our receptionist barely knows how to pick up a phone, much less block a number.”

Rose comes up, patting her stomach. “That was delicious. Are you guys ready for yoga? I’ve never done it before.”

“Once, years ago,” Patty says, taking her phone back. “I liked it.”

“I’ve never attempted it, but I am a natural at most physical activities. This should be simple. We can attempt to contact my squad again later today, Ms. Tolan.” He nods to both of them before walking into his room.

Rose puts a hand against her cheek, as if in deep thought. “Something tells me that man will have a hard time relaxing.”

“Oh yeah. I can’t wait to see him try,” Patty agrees with a chuckle.  
\----  
“Oh, right there, that’s the spot!” Greg moans as Rose pulls him forward. “Oop, oh, too far!”

“Hold him, Rose! Show him how far he can go!”

Rose frowns but does as the petite yoga instructor insists. Greg makes a high pitched noise, like a dog whining. The instructor nods her head, looking to the other couples. Jillian has pulled Patty so far forward she’s practically flat on the ground between her spread legs.

“You okay, honey?” Holtz asks, concerned.

“This is great,” Patty mumbles against the floor. “I could sleep right here.”

The instructor turns her attention to the last couple, her challenge for the day. They're sitting in the correct position, feet pressed to each others’ with their legs spread at a ninety degree angle. Kevin has each of his husband’s wrists in his hands, trying to pull him forward. Raymond’s torso has come forward maybe ten degrees.

“Pull harder,” Ray insists.

“I’m pulling as hard as I can,” Kevin grunts back. “Try to relax more.”

“I’m as relaxed as I can be, considering we’re sitting on the ground playing tug of war like we’re children.”

“I can’t believe you’re this stiff! I knew you needed a new chair.”

“We are not going to talk about this now, Kevin.”

“You can’t keep putting this off-”

“Guys!” cries the instructor. She leans down to them, grimacing. “Look, I’m glad you’re talking it out, but now is not the time for talking. Not with your mouths, at least.”

“What do you mean, Ms. Undyne?” Kevin asks, releasing Ray’s hands.

She sighs, flicking her ponytail of red hair back over her shoulder. “Now,” she puts her hands on their shoulders, leaning even closer. “Now is the time to communicate with your bodies! They speak louder than words, they speak with truth and conviction! Listen to them,” she hisses, squinting with her one golden eye, the other hidden under an actual leather eyepatch. “Listen, and learn. Back to the exercise.”

“What-” Holt begins, scowl creasing his face.

“The exercise!” she growls, standing and glaring down at them. “Silently!” She paces back up to the front, sitting down and nodding. “Switch positions!”

The pullers become the pulled, and they all groan. Rose is flexible, stretching forward easily. Kevin isn’t as spry, but goes further forward than Ray had. Holtz-

“Oh, nope, nuh-uh, that’s all I got,” she grunts, barely angled forward.

“I knew you had bad posture, but this is ridiculous,” Patty says, trying to gently encourage her teammate towards her. “C’mon, breathe-”

“Oh my God, I’m going to crack in half, let me go!”

Patty shifts forward, but suddenly Ms. Undyne’s right there with her hand on her shoulder. “Don’t! Don’t go easy on her. This is good for her, whether she thinks she can handle it or not. You’ve got to push her! Push her past her limits!”

“Lady, you’re nuts, I can’t do this!” Holtz groans.

“Don’t give in, Patty!”

“I mean, what if she’s really in pain?” Patty looks from the top of Holtz’s head to the instructor.

“She can handle it, and she’ll feel better afterwards. You’ve got to be there for her, be her rock! This is what marriage will be like! Be prepared to do the right thing!”

“O-okay?” Patty pulls back minutely and Holtz squeaks as something pops along her spine.

“Okay, maybe she can’t handle it,” Ms. Undyne says, raising an eyebrow. “Let her up, slowly.”

Patty slowly lets her friend sit back up, and her face is scrunched up in pain. “Jillian?”

Holtz rolls her shoulders with a groan, and blinks rapidly. “Huh. That…actually does feel a whole hell of a lot better.”

“See? I’m always right,” Ms. Undyne says with obvious relief. “Now, who’s ready to do some more complicated poses?”

“Ooh! Me!” Rose says with glee, as Greg frowns in worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. I'm so sorry this took so long to put up. I'm a couple of chapters ahead now, and I think this will be around ten or eleven chapters long.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions are answered! More questions replace them!

After yoga, everyone’s limping to their bedrooms for showers and some rest when Patty’s phone goes off. Raymond and Kevin had just sullenly entered their room, but it’s an unknown number. No one who has Patty’s number shouldn’t be listed in her contacts.

“Hello?”

“Is Captain Holt there?” asks a frantic whisper.

“Not at the moment. You one of his detectives?”

“Uh-n-no, not me. I’m his uh…dogsitter?” the other voice squeaks.

“You are one bad liar, lady. And why are you whispering?”

“I’m hiding in the evidence locker. Gina probably knows I’ll be the first to crack, and I swear she has supernatural hearing. How can I follow the captain’s previous order if the new order is to ignore the previous one?! I mean, I can’t follow all his orders if I’m disobeying one to follow another!”

“Okay, okay,” Patty soothes. “Listen, this is kind of an emergency. I think that negates his first order, y’know?”

“Oh no, an emergency? I was right!” she whisper-shouts victoriously. “Okay, what does the Captain need me to do?” Patty explains the situation to her, and in short order the excitable detective promises to get back to her as soon as she has something. Patty hangs up and walks into her room. Holtzmann’s naked back greets her.

“Whoa, baby, I should have knocked.” Patty closes the door quickly behind her and averts her eyes. She will not perv on her teammate. Nope, nope. Not happening.

Holtz laughs and bends down to grab her shirt. “See something you like, pretty lady?”

“Oh, definitely sugar. Why do you think I proposed?” Patty laughs, hoping it doesn’t sound as uncomfortable as she feels.

“Obviously, because I’m irresistible,” Holtz says, throwing a wink over her shoulder. But then she stops. She turns and faces Patty, tugging at the hem of her shirt. “I make you feel weird, don’t I?”

Patty could kick herself. It’s her fault things might be weird, with her hopeless crush and all. “No, it’s not your fault. I’m just…not the best actress. It takes something to pretend to be in a relationship with you, y’know? Since we’re friends and all.”

Jillian bites her lip, looking down. “Yeah. Okay. Just, y’know. Let me know if I cross a line? I can’t see lines too well most of the time.”

“Don’t worry about that Holtzy, you’ve never crossed a line with me. We’re good.”

“Good. Good.” Holtz nods decisively. Patty digs through her bag for a change of clothes, and when she looks up Holtzmann’s still looking at her strangely. She flashes one of her Devil-may-care grins and turns back to her own bag. But somehow, the smile looked forced to Patty.  
\----  
The guests are left to themselves after lunch, so they all gather in the garden in the backyard. The detective that called Patty earlier said she would come by to let them know what she’d found.

“I can’t wait for fall, I love how the trees all change color!” Rose says excitedly, looking up at the foliage. The garden’s well kept, cobble stone paths winding through bright bursts of flowers and around tall stately trees. They can hear a fountain in one corner and birds flocking to bird feeders nearby.

“We’ll have to take a trip to see some changing colors,” Greg says, scratching the back of his neck. “Beach City doesn’t experience fall so much as a pause between summer and winter.”

“How exciting!” Rose says, slipping her arm through Greg’s. Patty can’t help but smile at how sweet they are. She looks over to Holtzmann, tapping at her phone as a light breeze toys with her dress. Her curls are returning, pulled back into a ponytail. She looks up, and mirrors Patty’s smile. She feels that familiar twist in her gut, but it’s not unpleasant. Not with Holtzy smiling at her like that.

The moment’s interrupted by Greg lightly elbowing Patty. “Uh, sorry,” he says as she frowns down at him. “The captain’s trying to get your attention.”

“Oh, sorry.” Captain Holt waves her over and asks for her phone. “Your detective said she’d find a way through the back, but I don’t see a gate in this fence.” The fence is about twelve feet tall, uniform wooden planks blocking their view of the surrounding buildings.

“Let’s walk the perimeter, and look for an opening,” Raymond suggests. “I’ll take the south fence. Kevin-”

“I’ll stay here, in case Santiago makes her way in before you find an entrance.” He sits himself on a stone bench, looking to the side.

“Yes. Good. Thank you. Ms. Tolan?” Holtz takes the north, and Rose and Greg go for the west. Patty and the captain make their way to the fence in silence.

But Patty’s never been one to let awkward silences prevail. “So,” she starts as they make their way through some border bushes. “You and your husband might want to try actually talking things out.”

Raymond stops stock still. He slowly turns, his face completely placid. “I do not appreciate strangers attempting to butt into my marriage, Ms. Tolan.”

She holds her hands up. “I’m not tryin’ to be nosy, you guys just seem to need to work some things out. Trying to run off for a vacation doesn’t seem to have helped.”

He blinks a few times, then straightens his already stiff posture with either a grin or a grimace, it’s hard to tell. An agitated voice cuts through the tension. “Peralta, if you don’t keep still I’m going to crush you on purpose instead of accidentally!”

“You and your weird tall butt couldn’t crush me if you wanted to. And hurry up, my manly muscles are strangely weak today.”

“Oh yeah, so strange! I knew I should’ve asked the sarge to help!”

“Detectives?” Holt calls out with authority. There’s some silence, then a clattering noise.

“What the hell, Jake?!”

“Sorry, I’m just used to being in trouble when we’re disobeying a direct order. I panicked, you okay? Yeah, you’re fine, you like moldy chicken nuggets in your hair right? Hey Captain! I can see you!”

From between two planks, a finger wiggles. “I see Santiago was smart enough to bring some help, but unfortunate enough to bring you.”

“Are you kidding? Getting to disobey your order and not get in trouble? He begged me to let him help.” Santiago then makes a disgusted noise. “That trashcan had diapers in it. Ugh!”

“Plus I get to meet a Ghostbuster. Hi!” There’s a flurry of movement that might be a hand waving frantically. “Detective Jake Peralta. You have the most awesome job in the universe.”

Patty can’t help but smile. It’s nice to be appreciated every now and then. “Patty Tolan, nice to sorta meet you, Jake.”

“Santiago, did you find anything useful?” Holt asks.

“Yes sir. Two years ago, there was a death.” A manila folder slides in between the planks. “The chef, Linda Delling, 47, died after falling from the stairwell. There wasn’t evidence of a struggle, so they didn’t do an autopsy. She was an alcoholic, so-”

“They assumed it was accidental,” Holt flips through the file. “The owner opened the place two days after the death.”

“That’s a little heartless. No time to mourn the dead?”

“If you kill someone, you don’t usually need time to mourn,” Jake says with dramatic gravitas.

“You think the owner did it?” Patty asks.

“The handyman’s statement does say Miyamoto and Delling had been arguing. Mostly about Miyamoto refunding some customers who complained about the food.” Santiago pushes Jake aside and looks in. “Sir, should we reopen the case? Officially?”

“No,” Holt says. “The courts won’t accept a haunting as probable cause. And we have no new evidence. First, I think we should deal with the danger.”

“Take care of the ghost, then you can come back and see if you can find anything physical to suggest Miyamoto did kill Delling?” Patty nods. “Solid plan, keeps people safe.

“Exactly. Get back to the station you two,” he says to his detectives. “Don’t draw attention to yourselves as you leave. And Santiago-”

“Oh, sir, thanks are not in order,” she says humbly. “Just glad to be of help.”

“I was going to say you really should shower. The smell is atrocious.”

Peralta snorts from the other side. “Yes, sir. Of course,” Santiago says, her voice tight.

Patty and Holt walk back towards the center of the garden. Patty feels a bit more optimistic. “Now that we have some background on the possible ghost, maybe we can bust this thing. Figure out how she’s avoiding our devices.”

“I might have a plan, but it will take all of us working together,” Raymond says, still peering down at the file as they walk. Snapping it shut, he looks up to see his husband sitting with the other guests standing around him. “I think there is a pattern to the hauntings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, I'm getting to the end of this little adventure. Heck yeah.


	8. Chapter 8

The dinner table is weirdly silent. Patty and Holtz are holding hands again, but Patty’s not sure if it’s calming her down or making her nerves worse. Across the table, there seems to be nothing amiss with Raymond and Kevin, but they’re both pretty stoic most of the time anyway. Rose and Greg on the other hand, look like they’re about to pass out.

Greg is sweating profusely. Rose has the hugest grin plastered on her face, eyes wild as she slowly chews. She clears her throat after swallowing, darts her eyes around the table and says, “I-I think this is a little…undercooked.”

“And our bed is so lumpy!” Greg shouts, anxiety sending his voice a couple of octaves higher than normal. “Wha-what kind of dump is this?!”

“Greg! That’s too rude!” Rose hisses at him. She turns to Miyamoto, who’s merely raised an eyebrow at their outburst. “I’m so sorry, the bed’s fine!”

“And I like undercooked noodles, ignore her!” Greg adds with a hysterical laugh. Holtzmann joins in his laughter, and so does Patty. Awkwardly.

“You two are too funny,” Kevin adds, stirs his pasta around his plate. Miyamoto just smiles pleasantly, assuming it’s just some silly joke. After dinner, they file silently back to the staircase.

Rose whirls on Patty. “I’m so sorry! I couldn’t do it!”

“I panicked! I couldn’t lie about the bed, it’s perfect!” Greg insists. “We’re really bad at being rude guests.”

“It’s all right, you guys tried. Holtzmann and I will-” A loud crashing sound interrupts her. They all turn to see Captain Holt standing next to a bookcase, with shattered glass and a puddle of liquid at his feet.

“I tire of these games,” he says plainly. “Go get your equipment, I’ll draw out the entity.”

The owner comes running into the hallway. When she sees Raymond’s bored expression and the glass, something like a wail rips itself from her throat. “That was-that was a five hundred dollar bottle of whiskey! What happened?!”

Holt maintains eye contact with her, nudges a crystal glass off the shelf, and says lowly, “Whoops.”

Miyamoto stares straight at him as the glass falls and breaks with a musical tinkle. Holtz nudges Patty, who couldn’t look away from what was happening. She shakes herself, and they both run up the staircase as fast as they can.

“I know we agreed to be terrible guests ‘cause that’s what drew out the ghost before, but that’s just a little excessive,” Holtz says between gasps. “What if it doesn’t-”

Sickly green energy lights up the staircase behind them. They both grab for the handrail, air pressure changing rapidly and making their ears pop painfully. They look at each other, and simultaneously reach out for each others’ hand. “I think it worked, Holtzy!” They jump up the last few stairs, Patty tapping furiously at her phone.

On the first floor, Holt has moved instinctively to put himself between the swirling lights and his husband, just as Rose moved in front of Greg. The owner has fallen to her knees, staring up at the light show taking up her foyer. Rose goes to pull her back, away from the danger. Pamphlets detailing local attractions slice through the air from a nearby rack, and Greg grabs her back. The papers swirl through the air, surrounding Miyamoto. Raymond shouts to her, but she can’t hear any of them. She’s staring at the swirling vortex, tears streaming down her face.

The whole house shakes, and the chandelier above them rattles and creaks omniously. None of them could move quick enough when it finally shakes free of its chains and falls, silent until it crashes into the ground. Miyamoto disappears under the glimmering metal. Dust settles and they see the owner on her side, a gash on her forehead. Like a blur, the butler streaks through the lights, grabs Miyamoto up and starts dragging her under the stairs. “Go help those lesbians! They need it!” he shouts before shutting the door.

“Lesbians?!” Greg squeaks.

“Jillian and Patricia!” Kevin shouts back.

“Kevin, Greg, you should leave,” Holt says as he makes his way to the stairs. A cushion comes flying for his head. Kevin grabs up an umbrella and smacks it away.

“You are my husband and no matter what you’re getting yourself into I’m right there with you, Captain Raymond Holt,” he says with conviction.

As much as it can, Holt’s face softens. “You haven’t used my pet name in weeks,” he says, astonished.

Kevin grips his umbrella, grinning. “Shall we?”

“We shall!” Holt exalts. They all take off for the stairs, Greg huffing and puffing in the back.

“I’m so glad they worked it out,” Rose stage-whispers to her fiance.

“Me too!” Greg wheezes. “Heh-hey, you know, I feel the same as Kevin right? Wherever you go, I’m going too!”

“Oh, Greg,” she says with a fond chuckle. “I know. I’ve always known, silly!” They come abreast the second floor, and find Patty bashing at some flying porcelain dolls with her fists covered by her jacket, while Jillian screams like a banshee and stomps another doll into the ground.

“Patricia!” Kevin shouts, diving straight into the fray with his umbrella. Rose and Greg slam into the open bedroom door, shutting it on even more dolls trying to join the fight. The others finish destroying the dolls.

“Room full of nightmares,” Patty huffs.

“Seriously! Why do these places always have dolls?! They’re just creepy!” Holtzmann screams, hair and eyes wild.

“I’ll hold this door, you guys keep moving,” Greg says, pushing back against it with all his might.

“You sure?” Rose moves away from it, and it flies open without her weight, sending Greg sailing across the hall and into the open closet. He stumbles back out, one foot sloshing in a mop bucket and a rug over his head. Holt grabs a mop as it topples out and smashes the two dolls that escaped before Rose slammed the door shut again.

“No. No I’m not sure of anything anymore,” Greg says weakly.

“All of you stay here, we’re almost there,” Patty orders, striding forward with purpose.

Holtzmann jogs past her, chanting, “I want my babies, I want my babies, I want my-”

Patty feels the change in air pressure before she sees the door fly open to her right. For a split second she wants to jump forward, shield Holtz from whatever’s coming out of that room. She knows, logically, that she could never clear the ten feet between them quickly enough. She knows this, but still she pushes forward with everything she can muster.

Then scorching flames blast through the air a hair’s breadth from her nose, and instinct kicks in. She jerks backward. “Holtzy?!” she screams, only hearing the rushing air in reply. Captain Holt pulls her further back, saying something about needing to regroup. She can’t hear him. All Patty can think about is Holtzmann in pain, Holtzmann needing help, her help, she needs to get to her baby and protect her from the flames-

Flames! She whirls around, shrugging Raymond off and striding back to the supply closet. She takes the rug, laying it out flat on the ground and dumping the mop water on it. Wrapping herself in the soaked rug, she faces the flames. Kevin and Greg make noise about it being too dangerous, but she doesn’t hear them. Shouting, “I’m comin’ for you baby!” she charges straight into the inferno.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I LEFT YOU GUYS WITH A CLIFFHANGER FOREVER AGO SORRY. Epilogue's going up in like two seconds <3

Patty runs so fast, she doesn’t feel the heat of the flames. Or it might be the adrenaline. Either way, she breaks free of the fire, coughing and throwing the steaming rug off of herself. Scrubbing at her stinging eyes, she gasps out, “Holtzmann?! Holtzy baby, where-”

She hears the familiar whine of a proton pack warming up, sounding like the most glorious hallelujah she’s ever heard. She feels a hand on her shoulder, and gropes up to find Holtz’s arm. Blinking rapidly, she laughs as Holtz says, “Damn babe, you look like the before picture on the Clear Eyes commercial.”

“Shut up and c’mere,” Patty coughs. She grabs Holtz’s face and kisses her for all she’s worth. Holtz makes a little huff of laughter through her nose and kisses her back, wrapping her arms around Patty’s neck. After a brief moment of bliss, Patty pulls away. “Look, sorry for just springing that on you but-”

“You need to spring things on me more often,” Holtz says dreamily, slowly blinking her eyes. Patty has to swallow, throat suddenly dry at seeing Holtz look so dreamy and happy.

“Seeing those flames, and thinking you were-I can’t. I can’t deal with the thought that things would end before I told you how I felt and I don’t wanna play these games anymore and-”

Holtz jumps up on her toes and pops a kiss on Patty’s cheek. “Same,” she says plainly. “C’mon, let’s go bust these guys and go on a for-real date.”

Patty grins as Holtz hands her her pack, buckling it on. “Let’s do this thing, baby.”  
\----  
The foyer is still flooded with vibrant green light. The ghost is barely formed, more of a suggestion of a human body in the bright swirls surrounded by picture frames and rugs lazily floating. Holtz sneaks down, dodging behind a toppled bookcase. Patty watches her from the top of the stair case, and once she’s in position, Patty stomps down the stairs. The ghost turns at her noisy approach, and the objects surrounding her speed up.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” Patty says, aiming her proton cannon.

“It’s time for you to check out,” Holtz finishes, popping up and firing the proton stream at the ghost’s back. A wail rends the air, and a vicious wind sends throw pillows and candlesticks at their faces. They hold steady, pulling the spirit down towards the floor. The winds become a hurricane, and the two women start to lose their footing. Patty’s all right, but Holtzmann’s wavering and struggling to stay upright and control her gun. Rose and Holt run for her, and Holtz shouts over the shrieks and tearing winds, “Grab the pistols from my holster!” Rose and Holt both grab the handgun-like things. “Push the blue buttons, aim and fire!”

Bright, pinkish blasts erupt from the barrels and hit the ghost with concussive force. The gales start dying down and the spirit is dragged towards the floor as it’s barraged with more hits. “And for the big finish!” Holtz shouts, popping the containment unit onto the ground and propping her foot against the pedal. Once the ghost’s close enough, she stomps down, and it goes wailing into containment. “And ah, this is how we do it,” she sings. 

“Woo!” Greg exalts from behind Patty. She whips around, startled, and almost takes him out with her cannon.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! Don’t do that right behind me! Jesus!” she swears.

“Linda?” comes a shaky voice from under the stairs. The butler and Ms. Miyamoto come out, eyes wide.

“She’s gone,” the butler says, putting his hand on her shoulder. She doesn’t seem to see the massive damage done to her foyer, she just stares right where the ghost was before she was knocked unconscious.

“I-I can’t believe it. She was here, she was real and I-I wanted to apologize and I didn’t…” Her voice breaks and tears start rolling down her cheeks.

Ray steps closer to her, kneeling down carefully among the refuse, and puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Apologize for what?”

“The last thing I said to her. Before she-she fell,” she sobs, pressing her hands to her face. “That she was the reason we never worked out, when it was always me. It was always because I was too-too scared to admit how I felt and…I knew, I knew something was going on.” She looks up at Patty, who’s come down to join Holtz standing nearby. “I always knew something was happening. Every night I’d get too lonely and come down to drink some of Linda’s favorite whiskey, something strange would happen. I just-I miss her so much!” All that stoic attitude, the icy exterior, it’s gone. She’s crying openly, holding one hand pressed against her heart, and she looks broken.

Rose is the first to move. She crouches down in front of Ms. Miyamoto, and pulls her into a hug. She freezes up, but Rose is warm and inviting and gently running her hand up and down her back, and she relaxes. “I bet, if you loved her that much, she knew,” she says softly, and Ms. Miyamoto starts crying again. After a few minutes, she pulls away, wiping at her eyes. She meekly looks up to meet Rose’s eyes and says a quiet thank you.

She tries to stand and nearly topples back down. Ray catches her arm and rights her. She quietly thanks him as well. She clears her throat, and finally looks around. “I suppose I owe you all a refund.”

Kevin steps up, putting a hand in the small of Ray’s back. “I think I speak for all of us when I say you don’t owe us anything. I’m glad we could be here to help.” He leans in closer to his husband, and says much lower, “But you owe me an actual weekend away.” Ray’s mouth twitches upward in some approximation of a grin. “Ah, there it is. I missed your smile, Raymond.”

“Yeah, you kidding?” Greg says with a chuckle. “Even before the ghost stuff, we were having a blast.”

“That was the most exciting thing to happen to us in months! It was awesome!” Rose agrees.

“And I mean, technically we were just doing our job so you didn’t put us out or anything,” Patty says, looking to Holtzmann.

She looks back at her teammate, her grin wide and her eyes glinting dangerously behind her goggles. “You two,” Miyamoto says. “You’re part of those Ghostbusters, correct?”

“Yes ma’am,” Patty answers, managing to pull her gaze away from Holtzmann’s mischievous look.

Ms. Miyamoto looks down at the containment unit, a frown on her face. “What happens now? To Linda.”

Holtz clears her throat. “Well, we’ve been working on a way to release spirits into the next plane of existence. We should have the equipment ready to test by the end of the year.”

“Could you please let me know when you’re ready for that? George and I were all the family she had left.” The butler comes up and puts an arm around her shoulder.

“Yeah, I think that’ll be okay,” Holtz says. Then she frowns. “Have either of you got metal pins or plates? No? Okay, that should be safe then.” She picks up the containment unit, hefting it up with a sigh. “I um. I am sorry for your loss.”

Miyamoto takes a quavering breath, putting her hand above the unit but not quite touching it. “I lost her almost a decade ago, really,” she admits. “But now I have to let her go.” Holtz nods silently, and steps away. Ms. Miyamoto clears her throat, and her voice falls back to the bland, customer service timber it had before. “If everyone will wait here for a few minutes, George and I are going to make sure the building hasn’t suffered any structural damage. We’ll figure out what to do next after that. Thank you.” They make their way to the staircase and start inspecting the beams.

The other two couples start chatting amiably, going over everything they saw. Patty walks over to Holtz in an unoccupied corner to find her tapping on her phone. Holtz smiles up at her and says, “Hey. Just letting the other two know what’s going on. They’ll come get the ah-uh, Linda I guess, and take it to headquarters.” She jabs irritably at her phone, then huffs and pockets it.

Patty sees all this, and cocks her head to the side. “What’s wrong, sugar?”

“Nothing. I mean, we got the apparition, no one got hurt, and I’m pretty sure the chandelier’s the only thing that’s really damaged. This is pretty much one of the best runs we’ve had.” Still, her foot taps out a staccato rhythm on the floor.

“But?” Patty prompts.

“I don’t usually have a name to put with the spirits,” Holtz finally admits. “I give them nicknames in my notes. But this-Linda-she wasn’t gone for centuries. She wasn’t even gone for a decade. There was still someone here who remembered her. Who loved her.”

“It’s hard for you to humanize the ghosts.”

“Because they’re barely human anymore,” Holtz says in a rush, ripping her goggles from her face. “They’re mostly just instinct and impulse and residual emotions. They’re like a conversation that keeps getting replayed. There’s barely anything left of the people they used to be. Do you really think Linda-when she was alive-would have destroyed this place and nearly killed Miyamoto? And yeah, I was toying with a planar transporter because we don’t have enough room to store all the ghosts in Brooklyn let alone New York. But I kinda lied to her, I’m not close enough to a testing phase.”

Patty rubs her hands up and down Holtz’s shoulders. “Hey, baby, look at me.” When she does, her eyes are bright with unshed tears. Patty can’t help herself, she leans down and plants a sweet kiss on her forehead. “You’re definitely the smartest engineer working in metaphysics. You’ll figure it out. And I’ll help you. Whatever I can do. We’ll make it work.”

Instead of saying anything, Holtzmann surges up and wraps her arms around Patty’s neck. She kisses her like she’s starving, overwhelming and hard and demanding. Patty forgets where she is, what’s going on behind her, and that she probably smells and tastes like a sweaty fireplace. All she can think of, her entire world boils right down to the feeling of Holtz’s skin against hers.


	10. Chapter 10

Six months later, two figures exit a cab and stare up at the repurposed firehouse. They are, of course, Ms. Miyamoto and the ever loyal George. Captain Holt and his husband are standing at the entrance, dressed in black suits. Miyamoto and George are dressed in similarly dark colors. Entering, they find slow classical music playing, and a gorgeous vase of flowers on a pedestal. Abby waits next to the flowers, and gestures them inside. They follow her into the first floor, tidy for once, with eight chairs in front of a table draped with maroon cloth. On it rests the containment unit and another piece of machinery. Between those, is a picture of Linda Delling smiling in the garden at the bed and breakfast.

Holtzmann walks up to the table, nodding. She’s wearing a black and white dotted shirt and black pants that actually fit her. Patty shows the guests to their seats and everyone sits down. She clears her voice, and begins. “Thank you all for coming,” she says in a rush. “Today, we’re here to honor the memory of Linda Delling, and to send her on the next journey in life.” Erin, sitting next to Abby, pulls a tissue from the box under her chair and hands it to her. She’s already tearing up. “I didn’t know Linda in life, so if anyone else wants to get up and say something heartfelt well, the floor’s yours.” Holtz practically jogs away, and slides into her chair between Abby and Patty.

To pretty much everyone’s surprise, Ray stands up. He walks behind the table, and folds his hands in front of him. “My name is Captain Raymond Holt, and I too was unfamiliar with the deceased except as a raging spectral entity.” Patty presses her lips together. What a great start to a eulogy. “But I do know Ms. Miyamoto. We’ve met up for lunch several times since then, we share a similar lust for life. And she’s regaled me with stories of Linda’s life. I know that regret hangs heavy in some hearts today, but it must be relinquished. If Linda were here today, based on what I’ve been told, it would bring her peace to see her best friend smile.”

With that he steps back to his seat. Miyamoto does smile and grip his hand briefly in gratitude. Shakily, she stands, and walks to the table. She stares at the photo, eyes swimming with unshed tears. “Linda,” she nearly whispers, before clearing her throat. “Linda was loud. She was…opinionated and prone to exaggeration and several things that irritated me. But what never irritated me, was how much she seemed to crave life. She was always trying new things, always looking for new experiences. That’s what made her such an excellent chef. An excellent business partner. She was always nudging me out of my comfort zone. I learned so much from knowing her. I wish I’d realized sooner what a deep sadness she was trying to fill, how lonely she always was.” She pauses, dabbing at her eyes. “Yes, I have regrets. But the past is done, and now Linda can move on, at least. Maybe I can as well.”

She sits, and George has his face buried in his handkerchief. She quietly asks if he’d like to say anything, and he sobs out a broken, “No.” She gives Holtzmann a nod, and looks to the picture again. Holtzmann and Patty stand. They hook the containment unit to the other machine, which looks like a small washing machine without the circular door. Flipping open an input pad, Holtz taps a few times, and a humming noise drowns out the tasteful music.

“Now, we say goodbye to Linda Delling. May the rest of her journey be peaceful,” Patty says, looking to Holtzmann. She holds up three fingers, then two, then one. Together they hit two switches simultaneously. The opening in the machine lights up, and a crisscross of lasers forms a fence over the opening. Vibrant green light pours from the hole, and the lights on the containment unit light up red. After a minute of flickering lights, Holtzmann shuts it down. The lights all fade away, and the containment unit blinks empty. They’d already tested it a couple of times with nameless spirits, but it’s still a relief to be done.

Everyone stands and walks over to offer their condolences to the two family members. Behind the table still, Holtzmann double checks the machine, to make sure the transference was complete. Patty rubs her back and says, “It worked, baby, it’s fine.”

“I know, of course it did. I just-it was kinda this whole dog and pony show, y’know? I’m glad the building’s power held out.”

“This time,” Patty chuckles.

“We really need to update the power supply to this building, our electric company just ain’t cutting it anymore,” Holtz murmurs, shutting the machine down properly. Once it’s off she sets her hands on the table, watching the others talk in low voices. “I’m glad. That we did this. She seems happier.”

“Mm-hmm. This was a good idea.”

“I have a lot of those, haven’t you noticed?” Holtzmann smirks up at her. “Wanna hear another?”

“If you’re the type to get hot at funerals, we need to talk. ‘Cause that ain’t right,” Patty says, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, God, no,” Holtz half-laughs. “No, I was just wondering if I could come over to yours tonight.”

“To the room down the hall from yours?”

“Yep. I’ll bring pizza and something funny to watch.”

Patty pretends to think it over, but knows her answer right away. If she stays up too late, well it’ll be all Holtzmann’s fault. It’s always her fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank everyone who commented enough, I'm so glad people enjoyed this. I apologize for how long it took to complete, but here it is finally. Find me at http://nikilemonade.tumblr.com for some of my art. If you enjoyed my writing style I'm actually putting together a novel about an asexual sorceress and succubus couple so follow my tumblr for news about that. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Guys it's been out less than a week. I'm so proud of all the great smut that's here already. Here, have some fake dating because I'm an adult and can make my own decisions.


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